Thursday, December 22, 2005

Pranks, Kranks, and Christmas Cheer

Heh. I saw magnetic sign on the back of a Jimmy the other night that said, "Santa for Hire, call 888-9876 (or whatever the number was)"
What a funny prank that would be to an unsuspecting driver headed out on a cross-country haul. heh. Another clever one I found:


X-mas Lights
In 1994 Keith Yelton, a resident of Gresham, Oregon, went all out with his outdoor christmas lights, stringing hundreds of them up all around his property. A few days later, he received what appeared to be an official notice from the city informing him that he had violated an ordinance forbidding the display of more than 100 lights per house. Yelton panicked and shot a worried letter back to the city. The city officials who received his letter were puzzled, because they hadn't sent him any such warning.

I heard another good one about putting a lacy "Mrs. Clause suit" into an unsuspecting "grandmother" type's cart...

but then again, where's the LINE here? :)

Headed to Texas for some holiday yee-ha!
See ya soon, folkies.

Jolly Christmas!
Aubs

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Shake your tilak, gents

According to my 5-minutes of research (i.e. don't bet the farm on this)

"THAT INDIAN DOT" OR bindi: "drop" in Sanskrit. Hindi put the dot (bindi or tilak) on the most significant pressure point (mid-forehead) to symbolize their connection with the "third eye". It used to serve as a reminder for women of their commitment to their spouse. Now, it has morphed into a beauty mark/accessory and has lost much of its meaning.



THE POINT: Why is it so easy in the States to be unaware of a guy's marital status? Some guys who work with their hands have to take rings off at work; some just don't wear a ring; some never talk about their families; etc.,etc. Men should definately have a married prefix. Women have THREE prefixes:

Miss, Ms., and Mrs.

guys have one:

Mr.

(ok, I'm leaving out Dr., Prof., M.D., Esquire, or whatever...but hang with me)

What is UP with that?? Why does marriage change a woman's name front and back when a man keeps the same name for.ever?

So, PLEASE, MEN, Put a picture of your wife on your desk, wear your ring, talk about your family once a month, put a picture of your kids in your wallet, or bring lemon poppyseed loaves to the company picnic (along with your WIFE).

For the sake of a single girl's sanity.

love. holidays. love holidays.

Aubs

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Thanks, Mr. President

Politics. If Jefferson and Truman ever had (somehow) a nephew in common, I would vote for him for president. Maybe his campaign slogan would be something like, "I'm leaving the bucks with you, folks, but if need be -- they'll stop here." heh. When did "Government" ever get so big? ... spending tax money on investigations into cable television, scandal, investigations,...among other things.... D.C. is like a caricature of itself.

I'm rabling, but the point:

George W. Bush was refreshing tonight. For all the errors and floundering, the truth is -- we are where/who we are. We're (I mean Americans, namely USers) cocky (in a mother hen sort of way), ethnocentric, and puritanically noble.... :o) There's no use whining about what might have been. GWB was remarkably candid. Yeah, it's not what we thought ... but it is what it is, so let's get it done! Ugh! (That's a good "Ugh") Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sweetly Candid. Let's have some more of that!

M&Ms. W&Ws. Advent.

Aubs

Santino McGuillicutty Morgenstern Klasse is foxy man

Why is Santa Clause fat? Why does he wear a velvet suit?

Think:

Santa strolls around on rooftops.
He carries a bag that probably weighs more than an elephant.
He hoists said bag over his head and tosses it down chimneys.
Santa loads and reloads packages at a fine, swift speed.
His buddies are reindeer.
He's traveled around the world multiple times.
His chosen dwelling is a house in the Arctic. He probably roasts penguins on sticks over roaring fires.

SO! Why is Santa fat?? Why is he cuddly and velvet plush??

I think:
What would moms do if Santino "hottie" Clause was offering to take pictures with their children at the mall?

What would dads do if Santa "all that and a plate of cookies" was skating down their chimney late at night?

Better to advertise Santa as a super safe father figure and hide him under layers of fat, fur, and red velvet. That's all just a cover-up, people. The truth? Stay tuned. ;)

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

when carpets fly...

it's not always magic.
To be up so high
crash landing on your back.
Sometimes, it's the only way
to see through the racket
the dawning of a new day.

Thanks for pulling the rug.

Aubrey