Santino McGuillicutty Morgenstern Klasse is foxy man

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Why is Santa Clause fat? Why does he wear a velvet suit?


Santa strolls around on rooftops.
He carries a bag that probably weighs more than an elephant.
He hoists said bag over his head and tosses it down chimneys.
Santa loads and reloads packages at a fine, swift speed.
His buddies are reindeer.
He's traveled around the world multiple times.
His chosen dwelling is a house in the Arctic. He probably roasts penguins on sticks over roaring fires.

SO! Why is Santa fat?? Why is he cuddly and velvet plush??

I think:
What would moms do if Santino "hottie" Clause was offering to take pictures with their children at the mall?

What would dads do if Santa "all that and a plate of cookies" was skating down their chimney late at night?

Better to advertise Santa as a super safe father figure and hide him under layers of fat, fur, and red velvet. That's all just a cover-up, people. The truth? Stay tuned. ;)

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