Baggie Wisdom

Sunday, July 16, 2006

My mom has these generic plastic bags that say (on EACH bag):

WARNING: To avoid danger of suffocation, keep away from babies and children. Do not use plastic bags in cribs, beds, carriages, or playpens.

um? Maybe they should add a few more. Here are my suggestions:

WARNING: To avoid possible highway blow-outs, do not inflate and use as a spare tire.

WARNING: To avoid dehydration, do not wear as a wig on a Texas summer day.

WARNING: To avoid malnourishment, do not use as a substitute for noodles in your favorite lo mein recipe.

WARNING: To avoid being splattered, do not fill with water and use as a baseball substitute.

WARNING: To avoid pet trauma, do not use as a makeshift hamster wheel.

WARNING: To avoid possible death by drowning, do not attempt to use baggie as a flotation device.


hymns. sandals. Sunday.

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