Friday, February 2, 2007

Dear Ghetto Thugs

Dear Ghetto Thugs,

I hope my lipgloss looks good on you. I hope my coat keeps you warm. I hope you enjoy that $60 in ones you took from my console. I'll bet that looked like a nice wad, huh? I hope that screwdriver I had in my glove box treats you well. Please buy a good book with that Barnes & Noble gift card I was saving.

Thanks for leaving my Oldsmobile manual. I never remember which spot is for antifreeze under that hood! Thanks for leaving my contact lenses and Winser Pilates DVD. They were probably worth more than anything else you took. I'm really bummed you took my phone, but talking to my mom could change your life. I mean it. Give her a call.

...and really, get a job. Robbing poor white girls looks bad on you. Pulling guns on innocent people looks even worse.

I'd like to watch someone blister your ass.

Aubrey

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