Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Real Church of the South

is college ball.
The question isn't what pew you warm on Sunday, it's who will you be rooting for AFTER church?

Real Southern Ladies talk softly, get their nails done weekly, and scream like banshees for Georgia Tech.

1. Let's be real. I don't really care about football. I do like things that bring people together and get their spirits up.

2. It's a good excuse to hang out and make copious quantities of chicken wings.

3. If I cared, I would most assuredly be a UGA fan. Something about little Ugga XXXII warms my heart. Georgia Tech fans always strike me as a bit pretentious. Engineer degree? You can design a field, but honey, can you run it?

4. Let's be real. I am not a Southern Lady (more a mule than a peach). I like "down home" folks, and if football is a part of that, bring it on! However, if I have to *love* football to be a part of your circle of friends, save my invitation to your birthday party.

Playing > Watching. Love. Sun.

Aubrey

Monday, September 21, 2009

I just wasn't raised like that

Yo Mama was.

Why is it everyone seems to think they are flawless drivers?
(Listen Pancakes, you roll through Stop Signs, too).

Why is it everyone seems to think they were raised in The Perfect Way?
(Listen Buckwheat, you leave cereal crumbs on the floor sometimes, too).

Let's find some Truth Serum, mirrors, specks, and logs and have a party. Only sucky drivers are invited.

Love. Sucky. Drivers.

Aubrey

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Another Rainy Day

I heard Michael Jackson say in his 1993 interview with Oprah Winfrey, "Art is our attempt to communicate with God." Michelangelo expressed it long before Thriller.

















Maybe Art is one of God's ways to speak to us. Maybe all Art is worship . . . of something.

Filling Resevoir, Love the Dehumidifier, A House in March,

Aubrey

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Case of Kinkos Catydid

I can't say I ever thought a bug was cute. When I was a kid, I thought they were squishy and fun, but nevah c u t e. Yesterday changed my mind.

I went to Kinkos to (finally!) print some copies of some photos I've been meaning to frame. It was drizzly and soupy out. The Romanian dudes next to me at the Rent-a-Puter were soaked in Axe. "What's up?" yourself.

I printed my pictures and put them under my shirt while I sprinted across the concrete lagoon to my car. I was deep in thought, planning my smoothest merge into crazy-six-o'-clock-traffic when I turned, responding to some natural awareness of eyes on me.

There was a leaf bug (or so I THOUGHT) with its head carefully cocked to one side, staring at me. Observe the following:



How did it get in my car? How could I get it OUT of my car?

Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to kill it; I couldn't "shoo" it either. So, I ignored it.

It showed up at random times over the course of the next two days--perched on the back seat, head cocked to one side.

Strange that a wild little bug could look so interested. I wonder if it thought I was a tree. Had we coexisted long enough, perhaps Catydid (yeah, I Googled it) would be Aubreyflauged.

Hmmm... and these are the days of my life. ;P

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Fog

Ok,
I guess it's time to start blogging again!

Three months of work, sleep, weird dreams, new park, new friends, dates, de-humidifiers, furniture refinishing, one red dress, and a rocking chair later, I've come to a few conclusions:

1. Trucks are better. They can do everything a car can, but more. My next car will be a truck. A cute one, of course.

2. The amount of time people are a part of my life is not at all proportional to their impact. Some people seem to affect me in concentrated doses.

3. Life really is sweeter having shared my heart.

Cozy. TN. Birthday.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Day Six and Heading Out

I just had a great weekend with Kelly! :) She has such great ideas. It was mischief and hanging out and exercise.

P90x is kicking my tail. I wonder if I'll be in a constant state of soreness for 3 months. The hardest so far have been the pull ups and wall squats. Plyometrics and Yoga were pretty tough, too. Downward dog is a beast disguised as a . . . beast.

So, I'm headed out for a week in Colorado! Pics to come.

Love, Truth, Hugs,

Aubrey

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Day One of P90x

July 8 - October 5

So, I saw the infomercial just over a month ago and started checking out YouTube and blogs to see what people had to say about p90x. What I found was a network of people with changed lives. I know that the condition of my body and my level of physical activity impacts my spiritual and emotional lives, too.

Here are my goals:

--Increase flexibility
--Sweat everyday
--Break my sugar addiction (baby steps, I'm going to have a dark chocolate reward per day, so I don't break down and chase the HagenDaz truck)
--Increase core strength, thereby improving my posture
--Do ONE pull up (aim high, I know...I'm at a 1/4 pull up today) :p
--Know that I can push myself and achieve a big goal! :)

I'm not posting my before pics until I have updated pics...at least at
Ooook, I have a feeling today is going to tear me up. Chest & Back and Ab Ripper X.

Time to bring it!

Day 1, Time to get real, love,

Aubs

Monday, July 6, 2009

If I ever turn into my mother, I'll be pretty proud of myself. Love ya, Mom. :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Paradise Lost

From Philip Yancey's work with Dr. Brand...

It's interesting how much of the world fights against medical plagues like
malaria
dengue fever
polio
leprosy
etc.
People in those societies might think, "If we could just get rid of these things, we'd be in paradise."

In the U.S., we have essentially eliminated the list above. The US list would be
tobacco-related cancers and illnesses
obesity
drug-related conditions
STDs
It's the condition of the world is that even paradise creates its own plagues.

Hmm.

Aubrey

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

New Game for Work

Who can be the first to use the words on this list (without misstep) in conversation at the coffee shop? I'm going to w i n!! :o)

Torpid: sluggish or numb
Pert: saucily free and forward
Scrappy: having an aggressive and determined spirit
Trappings: outward decoration or dress
Seesaw (v.): back and forth; to change one's mind

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Fruity Dirt (still editing)

From Matthew 13 and a visit to PCBC June 14th.

The tenuous fate of scattered seeds
crash-landing somewhat haphazardly
Depends on the dirt, grounded in the earth
nurturing fruit, or spiritual loot ...
What will become of the seeds?

Seeds in the road are crushed
By the weight of cruising cars
Birds swoop down and munch on crumbs that could've been gardens
but the seed cannot see fruition
digested too early by theives

Seeds in the rocky soil produce shoots
that are spindly and weak
wither in the sun, bend in the wind
Can't hold their own weight,
let alone bear nourishing yield

Seeds in the weedy areas get taken over
by invasive species that grow quickly
and are hard to corral once they start.
The harvest is thorny commotion
The fruit is strangled and bland

I want to be faithful with the seeds. I want to produce fruit with immediate relevance and eternal consequence.

I pray for the good soil, but I can see myself as each of these others. My heart is hardened, and I don't digest the truth I hear. My heart is untilled, shallow, and filled with a thousand songs. I want to be focused, diligent, and repentant... <-----in a way that involves dancing around the living room, lots of grilling and baking, p90x, and crafting with textiles, if possible. :o) ??

laughing, fighting, living...
Aubrey

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thanks Nickel

Love is always worth the risk. Some part of my head has always known that. Some part of my heart never bought it.

Some time ago, a good friend said something like, "Aubrey, how can you love too much? Can you ever really give so much of yourself that you run out?"

People pass one another like cars on the highway. We're all vaguely considering destinations, driving tunes, and bathroom breaks. We're going different speeds, taking different routes, and waving at various traveling companions along the way.

Today, a friend who had recently started spending some time at the house with K took his life. It is surreal, unfathomable, maddening, and absolutely wasteful. These feelings are quite a jumble in me. As hard as it is to make sense of all of this, the sum of my experience with this guy is greater than the loss. I think K would say the same. That is to say, when the answer to "what's the worst that could happen?" happens, love is still worth it.

Love is exponential. The more you give, the more you have to give. The less you give, the more hardened your (my) heart becomes. Life is a gift, not a rat race. Each moment we have to know someone is a blessing. Satan is a clever bastard who knows how to twist truth into despair and pain into hopelessness. He wants to rob our lives in whatever way he can. The Lord is justice and light. He will have the final say.

My friend was right. There is no such thing as too much love. There is such a thing as too few moments. Life is too short to waste a second on anything less than 100% love for those in our lives . . . however quickly we pass on the highway.

Evil sucks. The devil is the ultimate deceiver. I want justice.

Aubrey

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Insomnia

Sucks. I haven't slept all week. I can't sleep with...
giant moths flitting against the walls
half-asleep dreams of wandering the Siberian tundra and stopping in pseudo-Starbucks
So, I'll blog about it...yeah, that'll induce sleep...immediately.
warm milk and leaping cows are not the answer.
Even excessive exercise isn't helping!


Dear sleep, I miss you. Pllllleeease come back.
Drat. daggle. dorg.

A

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ode to accidental dialing

In December, I got a new phone because I wanted to be able to send and view pictures. It turns out my service provider, not my phone, was the problem, but I digress. This new phone is more high-maintenance than my previous flippers, and must have its face locked when not in use, or it will retailiate by dialing randomly.



I admit . . . My "handbag" is a wild place. Its contents are shaken, slammed, tossed, and stirred more often than not. The bag usually swings against my hip as I walk and (I find out later when browsing my missed call list) throws the corner of my wallet into the buttons on my phone. My phone is an eager-dialer. One of its favorite dials is "77644".

This evening, I was walking down into the sunny basement where I live, and I heard this ringing as if some contestant on a radio-show-turned-down was about to win a prize. I got a little freaked out because I don't have a radio. I heard this twangy, "Hello... Hello?" and froze on the stairs. I dug for my phone, saw it lit up, and learned that it had just called "D", the recently-engaged "Sometimes-blind-dates-are-dishonest-about-their-curves" guy I hung out with that one time. Heh. Hm. Um. Congrats on your engagement, "D". *Machacaré mi teléfono!*

Moral of the story: D E L E T E that Charleston tour guide I stuck in my phone in case we needed to contact him while in town; D E L E T E that guy I always wanted to take me fishing; D E L E T E that guy I bought furniture from on Craigslist...

... and return to my old phone as soon as possible. :) Mmmmm... I might do an iPhone someday, but only if it flips!

Returning to my fave. Photo booths. Summer job. Sometimes, there's something *so r i g h t* about going back.

Aubs

Sunday, May 24, 2009

From Last Year's Ceremony...

I thank you.
Family, friends, strangers who give their lives, long after the publicized battles are over.



Cheers to love that really is an action word.
Cheers to you!

Salud.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wordle is fuuun

Check it:

This app picks out common words and makes the most common words most prominent. Fun. It's interesting to see speeches compared.

LINCOLN




GW BUSH


I got the speeches from http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/tag_clouds_of_obamas_inaugural_speech_compared_to_bushs.php>Click
You can find wordle, of course, at Click


B OBAMA

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Off the Rim

My friend J is a former basketball pro and an avid follower of Tennessee lady college ball. Recently, I told her I was planning on playing in the eighth-grade student v. staff basketball game and she said, "Aubs, you h a v e to get out of it." Heh. Hrmm. Eeeh?

I didn't get out of it. I played. I should rephrase that: I ran back-and-forth across the gym, waved my arms around, and looked confused while all of my students, the kids I sing to in the hallway, and the staff watched. During my entire circus performance, I somehow managed to feel completely invisible. At one point during the game, I asked a student of mine (a fierce opponent at the time) where I should be standing. Folks, they call those skills. :P Put on a pair of Air Aubreys and see how high you can jump. That's right.

In middle school, my family lived in the farmland of the Pacific Northwest. We had a garden, an old horse shed, and a half-court in the "yard". This half-court taught me everything it knew about basketball. Apparently, that wasn't much. ;) Since then, I've wondered if I'd ever get the chance to hone my skills.

Here's what I learned on the court last week:

1. Basketball is not "my thing"-- I don't have to wonder anymore if perhaps I should be giving basketball more of my time. I've given it enough time. Game over. It's time to focus on things I really enjoy.

2. The pressure is OFF--Now, when I shoot hoops (if anyone ever lets me back on the court) ;) I will be over my dramatic inner-monologue and will be able to have fun.

3. Sometimes, it's only in-the-sweat-of-it that I realize what I want. Had I never played, I might always wonder if my life was missing baskeball. Now I know, I want something other than dribbling and passing.

4. A team really is stronger than an individual. In order to be a good leader, you have to know every player's strengths and weaknesses and milk them. In order to be good to yourself, you have to recognize what you want and don't want and only volunteer for things you really want. EVERYONE will benefit. :)

I'd say the game was worth it.
Sleep. immediately....nownownow.
Aubs

Monday, May 4, 2009

:)

When I signed up at the gym, the guy mixed up my first and last names. Every Monday, when I check in at the counter, the check-in guy says, "Have a nice workout, Chaffin." What an odd name for a lady. :P

I want the wonder

I love this. T.S. Eliot said,

Endless invention, endless experiment,
Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness . . .
Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?

Dorothy L. Sayers said,

It is precisely because of the eternity outside time that everything in time becomes valuable and important and meaningful. Therefore, Christianity . . . makes it of urgent importance that everything we do here should be rightly related to what we eternally are. "Eternal life" is the sole sanction for the values of this life.

Thanks, Philip Yancey.

I hope, even when I've seen the most vivid colors on Earth;
I hope, even when I've woven myself into another person's life;
I hope, even when I've heard the Lord whisper my name ...
That I will hold on to the wonder of it all.

Jean Vanier said,
"We all have to choose between two ways of being crazy, the foolishness of the Gospel and the non-sense values of our world."

I hope, even when I'm wandering through lonely doubts;
I hope, even when it's painful and culture s c r e a m s "DO do do DON'T don't";
I hope I will walk barefootly in the turf of that other world
and live in the foolish wisdom of the Gospel of Christ.

Glass Hut. wondering. wilderness. wandering. the wander. Er.
Aubrey

Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Slow Walk Away

My Fellow Americans:

Last night, when I spoke with you about the fall of Rome, I knew at that moment that troops of the United States and our Allies were crossing the Channel in another and greater operation. It has come to pass with success thus far.

And so, in this poignant hour, I ask you to join with me in prayer:

Almighty God: Our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity.

Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.

They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. For the enemy is strong. He may hurl back our forces. Success may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we know that by Thy grace, and by the righteousness of our cause, our sons will triumph.

They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest -- until the victory is won. The darkness will be rent by noise and flame. Men's souls will be shaken with the violences of war.

For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and goodwill among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home.

Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.

And for us at home -- fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas, whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them -- help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice.

Many people have urged that I call the nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.

Give us strength, too -- strength in our daily tasks, to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our armed forces.

And let our hearts be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear sorrows that may come, to impart our courage unto our sons wheresoever they may be.

And, O Lord, give us faith. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our united crusade. Let not the keeness of our spirit ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of temporal matters of but fleeting moment -- let not these deter us in our unconquerable purpose.

With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogances. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace -- a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil.

Thy will be done, Almighty God.

Amen.

Franklin D. Roosevelt - June 6, 1944

Click

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Yard Sale Addiction

On Saturday, there was a neighborhood garage sale in a neighborhood with more Mercedes than the parking lot at a Streisand concert. It may have been at or near the shwank Country Club of the South (real yard salers do not give away their prime locations).

--Our Finds--

Fun new friends, including a lady with awesome taste in books (we may be starting a book club). I bought two current paperbacks from her for FOUR QUARTERS.

Two blue glass candlesticks for TWO DOLLARS.

A pretty scarf for TWO QUARTERS.

A nice leather jacket for TWO DOLLARS

A twenty dollar BIKE.

--Thoughts on YSE (Yard Sale Etiquette)

-We followed one speed saler around to a few stops and noticed he was packing his car full. At one stop, he talked a man down from $7 (which was a SuTEAL for a Fisher Price playset) to $5. Then, once the yardowner agreed to five, decided he didn't want the playset after all. This type of shopper is known as the YSoB (Yard Sale Bully). Incidentally, the lady who sold me the leather jacket stood up to a pair of YSoBs. The conversation went something like this:

Spokesbully: We'll give you $5.00 for that t.v. stand.
Lady: No. Don't do that. I don't like that. This is for charity. That's a solid wood piece of furniture.
Spokesbully: *Stomping feet and snorting like a bull*
Lady: No, thank you.

I was proud of her.

-Yard sale shopping is somewhat like gambling. You put twenty dollars in your pocket, hit the subdivision, and hope to leave much richer than you arrived. Sometimes, there is gold in the hills, and sometimes, they seem to be overflowing with stuffed pigs in wedding gowns and gold, plastic light fixtures. There is something so much more rewarding about leaving a sale with a two-dollar set of candlesticks than checking out at Target.

-Yard sale shopping always reminds me that people are really decent. Families in this ritzy neighborhood spread out their crap, covered it with stickers, and invited strangers into their yards and garages. I met an older man spreading pine straw who had lovely landscaping, an older woman with twin puppies who was selling her daughter's stuff, the lady who told the YSoBs where to stick it who had the loveliest clothes, the sixty-something would'velikedtobeagolfer who was getting rid of his nice golf outfits. I love it. I love neighborhoods and remembering that most people are pretty cool.

-Yard sale-ing is pretty dang funny sometimes. Some woman was selling her shampoo (info-mercial?) for $400! There was, in fact, a bride and groom stuffed pig pair. One lady was selling designer kid clothes for $25 an outfit ($100 originally!). Crazy.

Good times, those yard sales. Good fun.
'Tis the season, indeed.

Aubs

Monday, April 13, 2009

Faith, Sheep, Circumstances, and Walking in the Dark

Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods. --C.S. Lewis

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference. --Elie Wiesel

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.
--Voltaire

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. --Saint Augustine
***

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want
According to W. Phillip Keller, who wrote A Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23, each ewe must be caught and razored in the ear with the mark of its owner. Similarly, Hebrew slaves in the Old Testament, when choosing to bond themselves to a certain family for life, would stand at the doorway to the home and receive an awl through the ear, literally binding the slave to the doorpost of a house.

What does it really mean to say that God is master? How are we marked by Him?

***

Spring Break this year was an odd mix of family, travel, old friends, Easter, Passover, and thoughts of my personal history with God.

I was hanging out with A and she said something that made me think. She said, "Sometimes in relationships, you go through the motions even when you're not *feeling it* because you *know* the foundation of the relationship is true," or something like that. Sometimes, circumstances make me *feel* like I'm walking in shadows. I feel like I'm walking dead. The truth is that because of Jesus, I'm walking in the light. I am a.l.i.v.e. I was marked for darkness and graciously passed over for a mark of his Light. Sometimes, I think believers consider salvation as something to experience during death. Really, salvation is experienced every day in the character of Christ alive in us. I think it's easy to leave those things unrecognized--unreasonable love, joy, patience, peace, goodness, kindness, self-control, and faithfulness.

What's my point? I think real faith is only experienced when feelings and circumstances point away from God. Real faith says, "I'm experiencing bunk, gunk, and sludge, but I know a deeper truth." The deeper truth is that in Him, all things hold together. Even when I don't feel it or see it, that's the truth. Louie Giglio did a talk once about lamanin, the cell adhesion protein molecule. It's the molecule that holds the linings of our organs together. Check it:



Stormy Praise. Letter Catch-Up. Lanolin. Lamanin. Light.

Aubrey

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Heh.

Real Lessons

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. --Henry David Thoreau

Some of the best men I know fish. I've been pondering that a little tonight.

I read Julie Johnson's article Life Lessons I Learned While Fishing These things seem so much like real wisdom to me...

Here's the summary
Be patient.
A small ripple can make a big difference.
There's an appropriate time for everything.
"The early bird gets the worm"--or in this case, the fish.
Don't tell tales too big; they'll come back to haunt you.
Just let it go.

Maybe it's time to go fishing.
Ozarks. Passing Time. Love. Fish. Tamarind Sauce.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Ladder Resting Elsewhere

Romans 8:20
From Andy's 3/8 Message "Hope"

Sin is not an incident, but a fatal disease
Like an insatiable mooch, never appeased
Brown from green
Infection with no vaccine
Irreversable rot
Unknowingly caught

Razing and ruining the infected everyday
Life is in bondage to decay
A condition
Invisible ammunition
Voices unspoken
Broken

Causing everything living eventually to die
Every breath breathing potential goodbye
A solid crumbling
A graceful fumbling
Tumbling

Toward destruction from our first cries
The consequence of Eden's free-will prize
Time-bomb ticking
Randomly picking
Down and kicking

God lets the plague of sin run its course
We ask "why?". . .

When I grasp my earthly treasures in a death grip
Savor destruction with long, slow sips
I am clenching a handful of ashes
I am boarding a train I know crashes


Some of PAUL'S PONDERINGS FROM ROMANS 8-- (The entire chapter is better)
20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected [it] in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Rainy Day Playlist

It has been raining and dreary all weekend. This list is good for a soggy day slow frolic around the living room. :)

Wash Away . Joe Purdy
I Can See Clearly Now . Johnny Nash
Rain Song . Led Zeppelin
Mandolin Rain . Bruce Hornsby
A Whiter Shade of Pale . Procol Harem
Umbrella Man . Dizzy Gillespie & Louis Armstrong
Rain . Breaking Benjamin
Find the Time . Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly
Orchids . Maria Taylor
Black Sheep *Live* . Martin Sexton
I Wish it Would Rain . Marvin Gaye
Dance to the Storm . Hothouse Flowers
Texas Flood . Stevie Ray Vaughn
Sideways . Let's go Sailing
A Day Without Rain . Enya
Waltz for a Little Bird . Rainstick Orchestra
Baby it's Cold Outside . Ella Fitzgerald
Purple Rain . Some Artist

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Guide to Handling Foul Neighbors

If your neighbors are foul, try one or all of the following: *

1. Replace their front porch lightbulb with a green one.
2. Stick seven "Neighborhood Watch" flyers under their wipers.
3. Play "Thriller" every evening at 10 o'clock on the back porch.
4. Put a plastic flamingo in the middle of the cul de sac.
5. Raise a single nostril as a greeting when passing o'er the driveway.**
6. Remind them shrilly of Neighborhood Rule #378--any curtains appearing in windows should be warm toned or neutral, or didn't they forget that one?
7. Write "Snivel" on their windshield with toothpaste.
8. Put a load of wet dryer lint under their trashcan handle.
9. Pay an apartment kid from next door to knock on their door selling "Foul Neighbors Suck" t-shirts for a worthy cause.
9.5. Leave baked goods on their porch every morning for 2-weeks.
10. Ignore them...with flair.

* The word "snivel" should be used with discretion.
** For the unpracticed, an expert nostril lift/lip curl combination is pictured below.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Three Pounds of Grey and a Little Red Car

Brains are amazing. According to my sources, it's like a three-pound sheet of tofu that is folded up in such a way as to fit inside a tiny human head. The human brain is five-times the size of brains in similarly sized mammals. Scientists have found that in different people, different lobes work in different ways. Here is my non-professional dissection:




Cerebral Cortex--Biggest part of brain consisting of four parts/lobes: frontal, parietal, temporal, and occipital
Frontal Lobes-- self-control, planning, reasoning, abstract thought, home of personality, emotitional epicenter
Parietal Lobes--Sensation and Perception and integrating sensory input. Coordinating where we fit in the world around us.
Temporal Lobe--auditory sensation, audio/visual input, organization and categorization of words, long-term memory, language comprehension, sexual behavior
Occipital Lobe--Not vulnerable to damage, so no one knows much. Disorders can cause hallucinations, word blindness, writing impairments, discoloration, distorted perception of size.



Cerebellum-- A fist-sized computer at the bottom of the brain that contributes to motor and mental dexterity. It continues to develop throughout childhood and is usually mature after about 20 years. Cerebellum exercises, anyone? :)

Brain Stem--

Corpus Collasum-- A Nerve bundle that connects the two sides of the brain.

Thanks for the pics, Wikipedia.



All this to say, I think it's pretty cool how the brain is so complex, it seems we can't even use it to understand it. Hrm.

So, I've had some strange scary dream-like moments before sleep and am wondering what part of the brain is hyperactive lately. According to one study, the dream part of the brain is buried in the back. A 73-year-old woman had a stroke that impacted only this small part and suddenly stopped dreaming. Even when doctors woke her up during REM sleep, she was not dreaming.

Too bad there's no such thing as a brain massage. I'd like one. Doctors of the world, let's get to work on that. Pronto.

Lobes. Crash. Panic. Sleep. Rain. Piano. :)

Aubrey