Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Why Doctors Rake in the Bennies

I am not a doctor for two reasons. First, my signature is pretty nice. Second, checklists wear me the heck out.

The "Possible Reasons I'm Spending More Time with my Pillow than my Friends Lately" Checklist

Jet Lag
Checklists
Boredom
Sleep Debt
Myasthenia Gravis
Stress
Viral Infection
Narcolepsy
Pregnancy
Caffeine
Fad Diets
Sleep Apnea
Insomnia
Skipped Meals
Drug Withdrawl
Excessive Use of Asprin
Iron Deficiency
Left Ventricular Heart Failure
BBC Films
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Hyperthyroidism
Conn's
Addison's
Parkinson's
Menstruation
Driving in Kansas

Snore. Snooze. Snleep. Brick Houses.
Aubrey

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Battery

Ok, so there have been better weeks. heh. :)
Aubs

Battery

To be mixed with eggs and whipped on high
Wet ingredients mingle with the dry
Flour particles floating toward the ceiling
A blended-up, dropped-by-the-spoonful feeling

To be stopped mid-air by a swinging bat
Kinetic and potential energy interact
Springing from a second's possession
A violent, straight-down-the-center compression

To be reamed in the ring by repeated hits
Transferred momentum from a fighter's fists
Successive blows shatter the face
A slumped-shouldered, broken-and-bloody disgrace

To be slowly sapped of chemical supplies
Discarded and drained from electrical highs
Vital for functions every minute of the day
A taken-for-granted and then thrown away

Monday, February 9, 2009

The President's Vocabulary List

The President's Vocabulary List

1. bellicose: inclined to start wars
2. overture: a step toward more steps
3. prudent: marked by wisdom or George Bush the First
4. exorbitant: bigger than usual
5. stalwart: marked by vigor of mind or spirit
6. envoy: a governmental posse
7. tank (v.): to suffer rapid collapse
8. proliferate: to reproduce freely
9. retrofit: to adapt to a new purpose.
10. stimulus: something that rouses to activity


The President's ....Eh?

1. When they start characterizing this as "pork" without realizing there are no earmarks. Pork without earmarks is no pork at all.
2. [some were thinking] I came up here and "gin'ed up" to spend. Eh?
3. In fact, the party is over. I think the party has moved to China. No? 4. The problem ... "shaky assets"... Those are always a problem. Dang shaky assets.

The Points as I Saw Them

1. Are we creating four-million jobs and laying the foundation for growth?
2. Our immediate job is to stop the downward spiral.
3. The people in Elkhart can't afford it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Turn (Subtitle: Prayer for the Yeti)

Lord, Turn

He turns the Earth; He turns the sun;
He turns around the feet that run;
He turns the cheeks of wicked men;
and turns our thoughts to beauty, then

He turns the tides; He turns the calf;
He turns to favor ruler's wrath;
He turns the folded tables gold;
He turns the clock, then we're old.

He turns his eyes; He turns the score;
He turns the key that opens doors;
He turns up and down the noise;
He turns to life what life destroys.

He turns the wheel; It spins all way.
And while it spins, He holds the clay.



ONE MORE THING
An installment in series of serieses--all entitled "The Mess"

I'm pretty sure I was born a mess. Had there been a Baby Born Beautiful reality show in Tulsa in '81, I would have been dubbed November's "Aaaw, Poor Thing." My desk is covered with an artful sugar-mold spilling markers, a lamp, a stack of CDs, a harmonica, an iron, and a postcard of King Bhumibol Adulyadej. My habits haven't changed much from the chaotic ones of that freshly-born Aubrey and I am often pretty disturbed by that.

A few years ago, a dear friend gave me a green mug with indigo flowers on it with a card that said in part, "He sees your messes and they don't frighten Him." I think I'm starting to get it. Here's how:

Waterdeep was a band that started back in Kansas and toured a bit in Missouri when I was in college. Back then, Lorie was pretty newly married to Don, and Don was still telling stories about the dorms of KU. I love music, and they were absolutely my favorite concert. Every time.

So, years passed. I moved to Atlanta and hadn't seen the Chaffers in concert for a while. I'd built a serious craving. So, when I heard they were coming to town with Sandra McCracken and Derek Webb, I was pumped. ENTER:MESS 1. I waited too long to get tickets (trying to figure out if we had enough going to get a table). 2. I did not get cash to pay for tickets at the door.

Ten minutes before the early show was scheduled to start, I was cruising around D-town looking for an ATM. I had checked a few minutes prior and knew they only had a few tickets left for that show. Stressed! Five minutes before the show, my friends were arriving to meet me. We arrived at the door right before the show was to start. I was absolutely hopeless by this point and so frustrated with "the mess". The man ahead of us in line said to Noah, the worker dude, "Hey, I have three extra seats at my table. My wife couldn't come after all. So, if you want to give them away, I'm game."

I said, "Hey, could we sit with you?"

How many seats did we need? 3
Where was this table? Front and Center--Spitting Distance--Table the FIRST
Which show was it? The early.
How was the show: Kick buttocks, hard.
What's the POINT (already)?

God knows us inside and out and is absolutely n o t intimidated by the things that look like messes. He's going to do what He's going to do, but He listens to those who talk with Him.

I'm saying (errr...screeching), "Do you SEE this disaster?!"
He's saying, "Don't worry; I've got it."
I'm saying, "What have I done?!"
He's saying, "It's nothing I can't handle. I'm bigger than you."
I'm saying, "I did everything I could and look what happened!! What a MuhESS!"
He's saying, "I know, Aubrey. My way is better. :) "