Saturday, January 26, 2013

Jones Fracture a.k.a. Break-down

So, I went back to the doctor after two weeks nursing the broken foot.  The doctor said my foot shouldn't be as swollen as it was at the two-week mark.  It looks like I'm off to the orthapedic surgeon for a consult.  Errrump.

There are a few positives I can see about this situation:

1.  Not too long ago, I was wondering about the difference between people in dire health situations who have joy and those who become bitter.  Now, I feel even more admiration for those who have joy.  My situation isn't even extreme, but I can see how easy it would be to get depressed when there are setbacks and your hope for recovery is so high.

2.  I have greater understanding for my students with learning disabilities.  There are things--like cooking dinner, putting up bulletin boards, carrying copies down the hallway, proctoring a test--that I CAN do, but it may take me longer, or I may have to try a new way of doing it.  It takes some "doing" to let go of the old-and-easy-thoughtless-way-I've-been-doing-things-forever and come up with and embrace a new-and-strange-do-I-really-need-this way.

3.  I have greater compassion and understanding for my students and all people on crutches.  If someone I know winds up needing crutches, I'll know how to help them better.

I'm trying to stay focused on these things and remember that this time is so short compared to the months and years of my life and that this is the first bone I've ever broken.  I should be thankful, no?

But then there's the . . .

Things I Miss

1.  Being able to cook for people and carry warm trays of cookies/enchiladas and crocks of soup down my apartment stairs and through the halls of school.

2.  Being able to carry around a warm cup of coffee.

3.  Being able to do my job at 100%:  walk among the rows of students, create displays, carry supplies, etc.

4.  Being able to exercise the way I want.  Today is the kind of day that bikers love.  I passed a group of 20 today, all decked out in their leather and beards.  Today is the perfect day for a run in the park or a hike to a waterfall, but I'm becrutch-ed, so the best I can do is close my eyes, open my windows, and do crunches like crazy. #notthesame  Can I swim in a boot?

5.  Feeling normal--like I could disappear in a crowd, like I might be remembered for something other than the grubby silver sticks holding me up.

The Bottom Line

I'm so thankful that I'm usually healthy!  Being up for and able to accomplish just about anything I've wanted to try is a major gift.  Really, this injury is minor and will be over soon, but I am going to have to let go of some things and stop putting life on hold.  I may have to take some time off work, so I can keep my foot elevated and encourage circulation.  I may have to let go of running for longer than I thought and find something new to love.  I can't believe how sad I am about that.

Well, any grace or positivity I have in this situation comes only from God (and I'm asking Him for more, and more, and more) because even though it's just a tiny crack in my 5th metatarsal, it feels like a crack in my independence, and it sucks.

Sniff. Ffftttt.  Argh.

Aubrey

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